aetheric

He found me not at a formal introduction, but in a sad state by the fountain. I was messing around in the water, drawing shapes on the surface with my fingers, half-images that faded before even fully drawn.

He had that sympathetic smile with those sad eyes. "You have an interesting way of juggling the disclaimer you made on your vow."

"Mmh. After all these years, I still feel frightened about whether it's good or bad. I've never had to settle the question. It's been... irrelevant where present, and completely absent when unasked." I saw a white flicker of something that may have been a tiny fish, or may have been the light. I scooped my hand towards it, but it was gone.

"Do you remember why you made it in the first place?"

"Yes. Because I was uncertain whether I possessed any wisdom, and I thought that without the disclaimer, what I said would have qualified as either youthful stupidity or outright insanity. Possibly both." I snorted. "Look at me-- whoop, off the edge. Except that I'm not really like that, you know, according to everyone who judges. And that's simply because it's never had to be tested."

"Unless it conflicts with an opportunity..." he recited.

"Yes, and there's never been a conflict, not until I let that blue witch convince me I should consider myself safe to walk among people with no such experience." Circle and square paths shimmered on the surface of the pond, gone before completion. "Turns out I get to find out why it's important, after all.

"It took me more than a decade to choose definitively that I'd suspend the disclaimer. I've moved down the path and I wouldn't turn back. Imagine how painful it would be to render worthless the few losses I have taken for its sake." I raised my head up to look at his silhouette against the sun. "Imagine more how painful it would have been to lose all of this instead.

"And to find that I've been seen walking in a grey robe among the dead... I rejected that, and I want it to be clear. I don't even want to think of defiling myself there. Once, I would have actually been proud I could project my image there so well. Now, I'm sad, because it's not the choice I want to stand behind. I wanted to bring her here to visit. I don't know whether I can, or whether she'll make the journey."

"Maybe you still can," he said, and I felt a light touch on the back of my head, against my shifting hair. "Did that witch not promise a miracle?"

"The one she gave me at the time was the only," I murmured. "Her contract was never to bring me another. And to be honest, I'm not certain it was much of a miracle after all. If it meant no more than this, it's decidedly lackluster."

"Then maybe there's more to it than you've found yet. Don't assume," he chided me. "Not until you watch the rest of the story."

"No matter how it turns out," I said softly, "we shouldn't worry because you and I are staying here. I depart on adventures only to bring back more to the castle. It was a reasonable caution to make that disclaimer in the beginning, but the time has long since passed, and I am not that shrinking little girl I was when I made the vow. I intend to belong here from beginning to end, if you will continue to let such a weak, changing, dark-wrapped little thing as me support the cause."

"Like our butterflies," he said, "like the moths that dance under the moon, you have a place out there, a nest in here, and a turn under our magnifying lens. Bring her if she wills, and if not..."

"If not," I said softly, "she can wait where she is, and I will see her when I am done with my vows; and it won't be the first such loss I've had. But when I've thought I lost, at times I have prospered, and until we watch the whole thing, there's no way to know.

"Either way, I'll be here."

Even though so many years had passed since I saw her last, she didn't show a hint of surprise as she turned her head to look at me. "You're back."

I shifted my weight, feet bare on the cold marble tiles, unsure whether to apologize or look triumphant. "Yeah. I wasn't sure if I was going to be. It got complicated."

"I've known for days you were coming," she said, stepping away from the balcony. A breeze blew the translucent curtains in front of her briefly, veiling her face and making her mood even harder to read than it usually was. "Did you bring in that cat-ears on purpose?"

"She's got a tail too," I pointed out. "And she's cat in more than that. But yes, juvenile as it sounds, I brought you a catgirl. Her lineage, you see."

The princess tilted her head, inhaled and exhaled deeply. Finally she said, "Only because of her lineage we can continue just where we left off. Had you brought me someone of another line..."

"I know," I said, feeling foolish as I recalled some of what I'd done in the interim. "That's why I never brought the others to you."

"I think she's in fine shape." She didn't seem angry that I had left for so long. Of course, as she'd known the future, she'd had plenty of time to feel whatever she felt, and even now might be riding the knowledge of a coming event. "She's already in the laboratory, doing something that smells like the inside of a pharmacy."

That made me giggle. "It's not like I forgot you for long, you know. Most of what I've done in the past--" I gestured vaguely with my hand to indicate some undiscussed amount of time. "--I've spoken about this place, written on our works, you know."

"But you came in looking like that." She scanned over my appearance. Uncombed hair, a peasant's long loose tunic, vest strings untied, an apron cinched around my waist. "I've told you that you should look well to represent us; that you should dress correctly. Fading smudges of foreign dirt, from no matter how far nor what adventure, does not bespeak a reputable traveller. You can do better."

"Hngh." I tried to comb my fingers through my long hair, and caught them in a tangle. "I went a long way to find you that cat."

"And you found her right in our country at the end, didn't you? In our own fields."

Flashes of purple-magenta stardust, sparkling sand running through my fingers. "I think I might have brought her nonetheless."

"Go clean up," she said. "Make yourself fit to greet the others. You'll have penance to do if you don't stand out from the commoners."

"Can I meet with her then?"

"The cat? Of course."

"Who else..." I wasn't sure if I should ask the question just yet. "Who else will see me?"

She held a finger to her lips, calling for quiet. "That depends on you."

Do you still remember the magic words?

Which ones did you scratch deep enough?

How many incantations does it take to wear yourself smooth?

The main hall was so large it felt like even my thoughts would echo. I crept off to get ready as quietly as I could, hoping no one would find me on the way.